Which Nickelback song should the pickle parody next?

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Build a Snow Pickle!

Winter is upon us people!  What better way to enjoy freezing your brine-soaked balls off than building a snow pickle!  Frosty isn't going to know what hit him (hint: it's a pickle..he gets hit by a pickle).  Send pics of your best snow pickles to either me (chadkroegereatspickles@hotmail.com) or the facebook page listed at the top of the blog.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Looking For Some Good Voices

I would love it if someone could sing my song "Pickle In Your Mouth".  If you have a decent voice and a mic, send me your rendition at:
chadkroegereatspickles@hotmail.com   
If I like what I hear your song will be featured in the next post :)

I love this.

I found this a few years back and now I can finally share it with the fellow Nickelback haters of the world (which is apparently everyone except for the "shirtless frat guys with tribal tattoos" demographic):
Nickelback Recycled

Parodies Anyone?

As an ode to my lovely paramour, Chad Kroeger, I've written a song.  Hope you like it, sugar tits ;)

"Pickle in Your Mouth"
Pickleback feat. DJ Vlasic
from their debut album Dill Horse


Got to meet the Nickel with the million dollar pickle
They say it's just a 'cumber, but with it Kroeger slumbers COME ON!
Eats them at his concerts, while he sings the juice squirts
If you attend his next show don't sit in the first ten rows SEA WORLD!

Pretty little pickle with the pretty pink thong
Every shirtless frat guy hittin on it all night long
If your taste's a bit fickle, spend a dollar get a nickel
Damn this pickle sends a tickle to my heart, sing along!

(You naughty thing)
You twist open the jar sooo raunchy
(You naughty dill)
You shake the glass around for everyone
(You're such a mover)
I love the way you float inside your juices
(The way you bob)
And tease them all by suckin on your...*insert confused Kroeger stare*??
You're so damn cute but I wish you'd pull it out
'Cause Chad sings so much better with a pickle in his mouth!

Crafty little lip tricks
Kroeger licks the green tips
It's bending at the stem and
It seems that there's no end, hope it's KOSHER!
He'd get down on one knee
For the hand of Dill P.
Married to a Vlasic, it's absurd but classic baby COME ON!

Pretty little pickle with the pretty pink thong
Every shirtless frat guy hittin on it all night long
If your taste's a bit fickle, spend a dollar get a nickel
Damn this pickle sends a tickle to my heart, sing along!


(You naughty thing)
You twist open the jar sooo raunchy
(You naughty dill)
You shake the glass around for everyone
(You're such a mover)
I love the way you float inside your juices
(The way you bob)
And tease them all by suckin on your...*insert confused Kroeger stare*??
You're so damn cute but I wish you'd pull it out
'Cause Chad sings so much better with a pickle in his mouth!

He likes 'em plump 'n green, drag queen, Canada's proud son
Sparing no expense to find the perfect one
At the deli, goatee, everyone makes fun
As he laps the spurt from preserved cucumbers off of his thumb

(You're so damn cute)
But I wish you'd pull it out
(He sings much better)
With a pickle in his mouth!

(You naughty thing)
You twist open the jar sooo raunchy
(You naughty dill)
You shake the glass around for everyone
(You're such a mover)
I love the way you float inside your juices
(The way you bob)
And tease them all by suckin on your...*insert confused Kroeger stare*??
You're so damn cute but I wish you'd pull it out
'Cause Chad sings so much better with a pickle in his-


 

 

Saturday, February 6, 2010

I Got Laid!!

Chad gave me some of his sweet white chocolate tonight :D












Thanks to T.B. for making this awesome pic!

My Superbowl Prediction

With Superbowl Sunday knocking on our doors I figured it would only be right for me, the supreme vegetable, to present my winners forecast for this year. Below you will see a graph. This graph compares the number of pickles consumed by some of football's greatest players to the number of Superbowl titles earned by those players.


Notice how Dan Marino, an amazing player in his own right, never won a single title?  How many pickles did our buddy Dan Marino eat every day.  ZERO.

Now it has come to my attention that the stellar receiving squad for the Indianapolis Colts hates pickles (except for Garcon, but he only eats my inferior inbred cousins, sweet pickles, and those don't count).  After holding a press conference stating how much he despises pickles, Reggie Wayne has injured the fat pad in his right knee.  On a separate note, Saints star QB Drew Brees has adopted a "pickles only" diet in preparation for the big game.  Better start ingesting those brine-cured cucumbers, Peyton.

My prediction?
Saints 30 - Colts 20

Contest

As a pickle, I have needs. One of those needs is being suckled, but that's another story for another day...The need I am talking about now is the need to be drawn by other people. I love it when people portray me on various office supplies, for you see, I am quite a vain pickle ;)

So whoever would like to draw me, paint me, or sculpt a wonderful rendition of my bumpy green pulchritude, get to work and send it to me ASAP! The deadline for submissions is midnight next Saturday.

The top five submissions will be posted here on Wednesday the 17th.
There is no limit on submissions, you may send as many wonderful pictures of me as you want, but no goatse.....unless it's a sculpture.

Entries may be sent to chadkroegereatspickles@hotmail.com

Rock Music....

I love Portugal :D






Someone particularly awesome in my book has sent me this:

And So It Begins

Facebook just wasn't enough guys, so here it is: PickleBlog!  I don't have time to post anything in-depth at the moment, but I had to at least create this blog and get the pickle out there to the rest of the world.
LONG LIVE THE PICKLE!